On (Not) Having It All
I’ve talked with many women over the years who are suffering… They have done all the things. Checked off all the culturally prescribed milestones that measure a woman’s achievement: career, marriage, domestic partnership, children (or no children), good friends, vacations… And yet. Something is missing. There’s a yearning for more, a sense that there could be more.
The women I’ve spoken with are feeling unhappy and unfulfilled, even when they “have it all” — they are, by all measurements, successful. They often also try to shove that feeling away, comparing themselves to others — saying things like, “So many other women are far worse off than I am, I should just be grateful for what I have” or “It could be worse, this isn’t so bad” or “This is enough.”
While it is a good thing to acknowledge privilege, to own that piece of the puzzle, it does not serve us to settle, and we should not feel guilty for wanting to truly “have it all.” When we settle, we aren’t realizing our true potential. When we settle, we aren’t whole. When we settle, we are also not the best that we can be for others. The voice that says there is more? It will keep coming back. It desperately wants you to not settle.
The feelings of guilt are not only “normal” (whatever that is), but common. These are the things that women rarely talk about, speak out loud about. We carry them with us and think, “Someday.” We carry them with us until the kids are older, or we have more time, or we are more clear on what we want to change or accomplish. Before we know it, the days have turned into weeks and the weeks, into years… And the voice is still there, saying, “but what about this? Or this?”
I’m inviting you to sit with this, these feelings of unease, and listen. What are they telling you? What is one small thing that you could do differently to begin to realize the full greatness that is you? ALL of you. I’m asking you to dream, and dream BIG! Don’t silence the thoughts, let them come. Grab a notebook and take notes. Do whatever it is that you need to do to honor you, for five minutes. Begin to realize your potential. Begin to discover your purpose. Take responsibility. Let go of the thoughts and beliefs that are limiting you.
Our thoughts define our feelings, and our feelings are what will spur us into action (or inaction). We often carry thoughts with us that do not serve us. They often come and go without us being consciously aware of them — to the tune of 60,000 per day! Those narratives shape and form who we are. Mindfulness practice can help you begin to uncover the thoughts and get them out in the open. We can then change our narratives. We can change our lives.
We have but one chance at this life.
Your life is waiting for you.
Let me know if I can support you.
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Kara Joy Werner
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