The end of last year found me in a disastrous headspace. I’m a single Mom. My work requires A LOT of emotional labor. I bear witness to a significant amount of trauma. I have a weekly travel schedule that, over the years, has become quite exhausting. I wasn’t practicing yoga daily, something that is one of the most beneficial things that I can do for me. The routine, the breathing, the stretching — these are all things that help to keep me grounded in the chaos. My self care practice had slowly become non-existant. I had put on a lot of weight over the last few years before after experiencing trauma myself, and my relationship with food was often one of comfort. It was no longer sustainable.

I would beat myself up for not taking care of me, or for that food I was putting in my mouth that wasn’t for pleasure or nourishment, but out of coping.

I was flailing.

I was going through the motions and simply existing, not living. My team always takes vacation time off at the end of the year, as the holiday season can be difficult for scheduling. I finally had time to stop and think about what I needed MORE of in my life, as opposed to being so focused on the many stressors in my life, and what i wanted to eliminate. And I was able to begin the process of making it happen. With so many things happening around me that were outside of my control, I could at least, to a large degree, control ME. I could make decisions that would bring more of what I wanted to be in my life, into my life.

In January, I began a lifestyle change through eating a ketogenic diet (after extensive research,) showing up for myself on my yoga mat each day for my yoga practice and started making sure that I was carving out time to practice self care. I lost 45 pounds. I started sleeping better. My mood and energy levels improved dramatically! I am still at it, as we speak. And I have never felt better.

In reclaiming those parts of myself that I had been neglecting for too long, in making sure that my son and the kids and individuals that I serve in my work were all taken care of, I realized that I had fallen to the wayside. And I also deserved more.

The brain is designed in such a way that almost embraces negativity. Our negativity bias hardwiring is something that developed for survival. It means well — in the face of perceived danger, it springs into action to make sure we stay safe. Alive. Without this level of functioning, many of our ancestors would have met their demise. In our day to day lives, it keeps us on our toes, and helps to guide us appropriately.

Except when it doesn’t.

Left unchecked, this defense mechanism can wreak havoc in smaller, sneakier ways. The insult flung at you 15 years ago that still holds stinging power. The inner narrative about yourself when things go wrong, those negative thoughts about self that always pop up, and haven’t been questioned and have woven themselves into who we are and have become a part of a belief system about self that may not even be true. For me, this surfaced in negative self talk and being rendered into inaction. I noticed that my thoughts were working against me. “I’m too tired,” “I can’t,” “I don’t have time, (but i always had time for facebook!)” or “Don’t bother, you’ll just fail.” It wasn’t always perfect, but that was okay, too. I’d just pick back up where I’d left off.

Due to this negativity bias, we can also often get wrapped up in what we don’t want in our lives… What we want LESS of.

I’d like to invite you to flip that script at some point today. If you don’t have time right now, maybe set a reminder of some sort to carve out 10-15 minutes, and think about what you MORE of. The sky’s the limit! Even if it feels like it could be something that’s unattainable, write it down. Visualize it, see it playing out. Maybe it’s more time with friends that you don’t see enough. Maybe it’s a new job. Maybe it’s love. Maybe it’s paying your bills on time. Maybe it’s having more time. Maybe it’s getting away, if even just for an adventure day. Maybe it’s simply finding joy in the little moments. Give it life, in your head. And when you are finished, write down one thing that you are grateful for today. And take a deep breath, the longest you have taken so far, today.

While our brains will usually always be more sensitive to negative input, we can practice being more mindful of what we do want in our lives, and taking steps to make it make it happen. Envisioning what that would look and feel like, is a step down the path to fulfilment, a road to decreasing needless suffering. When those negative thoughts arise, we can say, “That’s just a thought.” The idea here is disrupt our natural tendency to focus on the negative and create more attention given to the positive. If we consciously make the effort to change those pathways (that may have formed when we were young enough that we don’t even realize where they come from!) we can transform ourselves and our lives.

Let’s do more of that, please.