“the future you needs your determination. say yes to the hard things that make you better. diligently build the habits that set you free. unapologetically create a life of your own design. every moment of effort enhances your vibrancy and sets you up for a majestic existence.”
-yung pueblo

Raise your hand if you want to dig up uncomfortable feelings and experiences on purpose! No? Who would choose that? What would you say if I told you that being uncomfortable is where change and transformation happen? It’s true. Hear me out.

Sometimes it’s all better than it is worse. And in those moments, it’s easy to hope it will stick. But it doesn’t. Repeat. It’s exhausting. That’s the thing – unaddressed grief, trauma – anxiety, depression – they don’t want to be quiet. It’s all trying to tell you something, signaling that there is dis-ease. They’ll continue to show up until you listen, sometimes louder than the last time. Until you hear. Until you act.

I get it. I can’t promise it will always be easy, but how easy is what you are experiencing now?

Therapy isn’t “just paying for a friend” or “ venting.” Therapy should be cultivating a theraputic relationship in which you can be 100% yourself – authenticity is embraced. All of you. I want to know it all, every detail, everything. I even want to see those parts of you that you aren’t sure you want to share. I am safe. I offer you a non-judgemental space to unpack, process, learn new coping skills/techniques, practice self-compassion, become more empowered and grow… And heal. You know you best. You are holding the roadmap and saying where we need to go – I am the guide. I will meet you where you are.

(Sidebar: if this isn’t your experience with your therapist, it may be time to explore new therapists.)

You have to put in work, though. You have to believe in you like I believe in you. The end goals we identify can’t be achieved simply by showing up each week (but it’s huge that you are!). You can have an arsenal of coping skills, you can learn new ways to approach uncomfortable conversations and healthier ways to communicate, you can learn self compassion, you can identify past patterns and decide if these patterns are serving you now, you can learn to set a boundary – but if you don’t practice regularly, that’s a barrier to change.

You may want to give up sometimes. You may feel like you’re not “healing” fast enough.. Therapy is a process, not a destination. Every pattern recognized, boundary set, everytime you take up space and show up for you – that’s a step in the right direction. It may feel hopeless – but neuroplasticity is AWESOME.

Me, just yesterday: “Neural pathways are built and strengthened every time we think, feel and act… So basically, it’s like a workout for your brain. Repetition is key. You are building new neural pathways, positive style, every time you practice mindfulness, self-compassion, or when you complete the homework. Your new neural pathways are gonna be so swole!”

Example: You’ve had a lifetime of experiences that have helped shaped you – and if they have been “negative,” those pathways are dug in deep. Our built-in negativity bias doesn’t help – just reinforces. When combined with the brain also seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, and caregivers that may have told us to “suck it up” or “stop crying,” we learn to shove down what we’re feeling and think that feeling is “bad,” unwelcome, to be avoided… There is a whole other way of living and being to learn. New neural pathways to forge and strengthen. This takes time. And it’s so worth it.

You deserve to feel better.

Last quote. Pinky swear. (I really love quotes) “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” -George Eliot